Weekends and Week Days

It is now the middle of October, and the middle of the week.  Already. 

My life here at Simpson is steadily chugging along. God is doing great and little things in my life.  I have been juggling school work with "free time" and growing in relationships.

I'm having a difficult time describing my life as of this moment, to give you a snap shot of my day.  There is SO much that is packed into one day that I can barely keep up with it all.  I need someone to follow me to document it all! hahaha....

For Columbus Day weekend, Simpson U gave us last Friday and this Monday, so one of my lovely room mates, Emily Suryan, invited me to go home with her, which is near Fremont in the bay area.  We watched Secretariat on the big screen- a movie I so reccomend- and also spent time shopping/ window shopping at the mall. 

This weekend, my parents are coming up to Redding for the Parents' Weekend event being hosted at the school.  I am excited to see my family again!!! 

I have recently thought about how I don't feel like I have a real home anymore.  The house in San Luis Obispo  won't see me except for during breaks, and Simpson isn't a permanent dwelling place in the long run.  I find it strange that after I graduate from college, that, unless I get married, I will have to find my own appartment for myself until I do.  I will have the opportunity to create my own living space, decorate it how I want it to look, and live with the full responsibility of paying for rent, a car, food and other such needs for myself.  Now, that is a strange thought.  For now, at least.  I trust that God will prepare me so that I will be ready to do so when the time comes.

Mean while, back at the ranch,  being a freshman I realize that I don't need to worry about my future now, just the next test for Old Testament that is worth 25% of my grade. Oh my! 

 This is The Rock.   The one place at our school where you can paint anything on it.

 It's a living mural.The girls of 2nd floor in the Irwin dorm went out late one night and painted it!

This is the back of the finished rock- with my initials and a flower that I personally added :)

The Stirring- No Shame

This past Sunday evening I went to The Stirring with some Simpson U students.  The church started a series called, "Jealous Love" last week, and it's about God's jealous love for us.  I was struck by what the pastor had to say about the difference bewteen guilt and shame.  "Guilt is good!" He said, "because it is God's way of helping us to become aware of a wrong done. But shame is when all the guilt piles up and consumes you, making you have a feeling of a false humily, like thinking that you're not worthy of God's love, or that you're not that awesome, when in fact He cries out that you are wonderfully made." Ok, so those weren't his exact words.  But that's what I got out of the message.  The message punched me in the gut of my mind at that.  Knowing that I constantly build up shame, unaware of it until my mind overflows with saddness for lack of self-love.

When he brought up Genesis 2:25 "The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.", he explained how the text shows us as created in God's image, and without shame.  We were never meant to live in shame. Then he read Genesis 3:7-11; I was frozen in understanding. "Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they sewed fig leaves together and made coverins for themselves.  Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from theLORD God among the trees of the garden. But the LORD God called to the man, 'Where are you?' He answered, 'I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.' 
And he said, 'Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?"  God asks this, showing that we are not created as poorly as we are often told and believe. God doesn't see our shame, and doesn't call us that.  So, whenever shame filled thoughts invade my thinking, I am becoming more and more aware of how 99% of it is not from God.  He LOVES me! He created me to exist in his own image to enjoy this world- why would he be ashamed of me?

With all that being observed, I am now admitting to the shame that I've carried, but God's taking over with His Love.  It's a continual journey and battle, but it's soo worth the fight. I get to sit on my Papa's lap all the time :]